One of the desires I have felt in my heart for a long time is to write. To share with the world the inner chambers of my experience, in all it’s vulnerability, in the expectation that the sharing from my heart will touch those who are aligned and that it will spread love and light, inspiration and joy.
Doing this takes courage and it is something, I discovered, that does not work in baby steps. It requires a leap. So here I am, leaping, and trusting I will be okay at the other end of this extremely vulnerable expedition.
Our first week in Houtbay we went through a big learning curve. We knew we would have a hangover from the intense last few weeks and the intense traveling days, and that we would require rest the first few days – but this time I also noticed something else.
I noticed that when you choose to live your dream and you actually leap and do it, the energy of the changed reality is not all rosy and wonderful. The energy is hectic and there are small hick-ups that follow the what I call the ‘forming phase’ (the sequence that I feel happens every time I have a yearning desire is: intention, visioning, resting, leaping and than forming). There are hick-ups, strange things happen, and they can freak you out when you are tired and in a strong adrenal response.
We had things happen like a truck that drove into our car while it was parked outside our apartment, creating quite some damage and driving off without notice, and more of that sort of stuff. It would have been very easy to go into the stress response and listen to that voice inside that said ‘this is a mistake, you are not safe, go home!’. I am so grateful that I have learned to slow down and ask questions. So I sat with it and heard the voice that wanted to protect me, and then I asked if we were really making a mistake? I thought back to the vision I received, how it had come through me with such ease and how powerful and how real it had been, as if it had already happened – it just needed to find it’s way into form – and how pure and potent the environment was that I had received it in… and I knew with deep certainty that we were not making a mistake. This was not a distraction of some sort. This journey we are on was meant to happen.
That meant that this hick-up was just that, a hick-up. It was space and time rearranging itself to accommodate us as good as possible. And then I thought, okay, but what about safety. I mean, this time we were not in the car when it happened, but what if something like that happened with us in it? And it was very apparent to me that this was a beautiful way of bringing our attention to the fact that there is no room for nonchalance anymore. When you live and leap this way, you have to pay attention, because hick-ups happen. And then I realized that the car we had gotten when we first arrived had an airbag for the passengers side that did not work. I had noticed but had been very tired and did not want to spend any more time and just get to our apartment, assuming I would figure out if it was defect or just turned off there. But what happens when you are tired… you forget things. So I forgot about the airbag and we drove around for days with an airbag not working. The truck might as well have saved my life, because now we have another car, with the airbag working.
A long story short, when the hick-ups happen it would have been very easy to go into panic and be ready to go back home… but it is very worthwhile to slow down and have a look under the surface, ask some quality questions and have tears of gratitude flowing down your face for the love of the universe that is holding us.
So. How about that for a first sharing from my heart? I hope you enjoyed it! With warmth, Petra